PREFACE

Seeing as I do not know how or when this will end, I leave my story to you. Someone should know about my life. About why things are the way they are, especially since it may all end any minute now. I am not afraid. Death is just a part of life.


CHAPTER 1-A FRESH START…SORT OF.

Destiny is a funny thing. That's what my mom always used to tell me. Until she passed away. I've lived with my dad ever since, in this little town in north east Wisconsin called New Franken. A.K.A. no mans land.

New Franken wasn't new to me. Back when my family was together, this is where we lived. My mom never wanted to stay. But my dad had joined the Fire Department. So there we stayed. Me, my mom, my dad, and my sister. Growing up there wasn't so bad. There were plenty of kids our age. It only was frustrating in winter when we would have a foot of snow on the ground. School wouldn't cancel, but the plows wouldn't come through until after noon. Not exactly the safest situation. Of course, as me and my sister grew older, it was really easy to get bored. The nearest mall, movie theatre, bowling alley, and whatever else you can think of was all in Green Bay. A city about 30 minutes away from us. Parents don't always want to drive kids that far there and back only to come back to pick them up a few hours later. When I turned 14 my parents split up, and I moved with my mom.

I really miss my mom. She and I used to live in the beautiful city of Madison. Sure, we only had a tiny apartment, but it was just me and her. And sometimes my sister. She regularly lived with my dad. But every so often she'd come stay with mom and I. She was always slightly repulsed by coming here. She was used to living in a gorgeous two-story house. After mom moved out we could only afford a two bedroom apartment, so when my sister was in town she and I had to share. She wasn't too fond of that.

My sister, Taylor, was there that night of the accident. The police officer came to our apartment. We hadn't even noticed how late it was. My mom always stayed out late on the nights she actually would get the chance to go out. We didn't think to be worried. Until he showed up. I was 17 at the time. I try not to remember much of that night. I remember crying. A lot. Taylor cried too, not as much. But she wasn't as close to mom as I was.

We only had a day or two after the funeral to pack everything. I had to move back to New Franken to live with my dad. My dad drove down to pick us up. It was a long three hour drive. My dad and I really drifted apart. I hadn't seen him in two years. Maybe more.
"Sorry about your mom…" he said.
"Yeah…" I said, restraining my tears.
"It's good to see you Terra, regardless. It's been too long."
"You too, Dad." I tried keeping my mind on what my mom always said… "Destiny is a funny thing". I tried to believe there was a reason this was happening. But I couldn't see it. Not yet at least.

We pulled up to the brown two-story home. Maybe tan is a better color to call it. It hadn't changed much since the last time I was home. Same white porch, same hand built deck. The trampoline was still sitting in the side yard, even though it was the middle of December. It was a Christmas present to my sister and I about ten years ago. Back when my parents still lived together. Back when they were happy. I stepped out of the '89 Ford Ranger as soon as my dad cut the engine. He had the same red and white license plate that allowed him to speed in case of emergencies. I guess he was still on the fire department. He grabbed my bags from the back and helped me carry them inside. We were immediately greeted by my dad's Golden Retriever, Riley. I guess that's a plus of moving back here. I really missed that dog. He was a Christmas present from my mom to my dad. Me and my dad used to hunt together all the time when I was little, Riley's his hunting dog. Which is also why he is curly. Despite what some people think, he's not part poodle. My dad really wanted a Lab, but my mom wouldn't let him. They really didn't agree on anything.

We walked up the stairs to my room. That was one good thing.  My own room. It was sad how much things hadn't changed since mom moved out. It was like time had stood still. Same feeling hit when I walked into my room. The carpet was still blue. I picked it out myself…when I was 6. All 20 of my porcelain dolls stood on the same shelves I had built with my dad…as well as on the dresser I've had since before I can remember.  My parents got so mad when I carved labels into my drawers. I had the same rainbow flower beads hanging  in the doorway of my closet, and the same queen size water bed with my old blue and white comforter. The only thing that had changed was that my posters were missing. Also, there was a new laptop sitting on my desk. The desk used to be white, but my best friend Kris and I wrote lyrics and band names on it in colorful markers. I'm surprised it didn't wear off.
"What's this?" I said walking over to the desk.
"Oh, well, it's your Christmas present. An early one." He almost sounded embarrassed. It's obviously been awhile since we've talked.
"Oh. Wow. Thanks." A laptop was not what I was expecting for Christmas.
"I turned on the waterbed for you. Looks like its going to be a cold night."
"Thanks dad." A few awkward moments of silence, and he left. My dad and I always made an appoint to talk or be around each other as little as possible. I know its said that kids always blame themselves for their parents getting divorced, but in my case its actually true. My parents split up because my dad hit me. Once. Its not as big a deal as it sounds. But either way, I think my dad also blames me.

I put my bag and suitcase down and turned on the computer. The last time I was here we were still using AOL dial up internet. I was glad to see my dad had upgraded to cable, not to mention wireless. First thing I did was checked my horoscope. Another habit I picked up from my mom. Most people didn't believe a word they said, but I've learned there's truth to it. It wasn't till then that I realized what day it was. December 15th. And it was a Sunday. Christmas break hadn't started yet. I would be starting at the very end of the semester. New Franken was so small that it didn't have its own school district. I'd have to go to Green Bay. And I had no car. Nor had I spoken to anyone in the area since I was 14. Perfect. Annoyed with that thought, I went on Facebook. It suddenly hit me that this was probably the only was to keep in touch with my friends back home. I hadn't been on longer than five minutes when someone messaged me.
"So I heard your back in town." It was Kevin. He had been my best friend until I moved away.
"Yeah. Just moved in today. Back with my dad." I told him.
"Sorry about your mom. Your dad's been telling the whole town…and the accident was on the news."
"Thanks. But I'm okay."
"So are you coming to Preble?"
"Yeah."
"Need a ride to school?"
"Actually, yeah. Badly. Thanks."
"No problem." I sat there for a few minutes. It had been so long since I've talked to him. I didn't know what to say. Thankfully he ended the silence. "So what are you up to?"
"Nothing really. Unpacking soon I guess."
"Did you want any help?"
"Um, sure I guess. If you really want to…"
"Alright. You still live in the same place right?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. See you soon." Well this was going to be awkward. I hadn't talked to him in years. Now he's coming over? I honestly had thought he pretty much hated me. I was a rotten friend when we knew each other. And I'm pretty sure my crush on him didn't help any. At least this could be a fresh start. Hopefully this entire semester would be. Although I hated the idea of starting over, especially when it wasn't a complete start over. I did already know a lot of people here. But so much time has passed I might as well not know anyone. At least I wouldn't be known as the new girl who got dropped off by her dad. If that happened I might as well kill myself now and save myself from the embarrassment.

I walked downstairs to let my dad know Kevin was coming over…but I found him asleep on the couch watching a Packer game. Great. Now it's literally just me and him. I tried not to think about that part. It was going to be awkward enough without my mood making it worse. I'd had a few days to cope with my loss, and respectively? I was feeling better. Maybe I just needed a friend…or…well, okay. I'll use that term. A few moments later he was already at my door.
"Hey," I said, "Come on in."
"Thanks. Wow, not much changed around here huh?"
"Ha, tell me about it." He hadn't changed at all since the last time I saw him. He had the same Straight messy black hair, bright blue eyes, and very pale skin. Still standing a good four inches taller than me. He was also still a twig.
"So where do we start?"
"All of my stuff is upstairs."
"Shall we?"
"Sure…" We walked up to my room in silence. We entered my room, and began to unpack. Bag after bag, box after box. Everything eventually would make it too it's place.
"So what have you been up to all these years?" he asked.
"The usual I guess. School."
"Are you still in music?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Mhm. 1st chair trumpet this year." he said that with the biggest smile. Trying to act cocky. He hadn't changed much.
"That's awesome! Congrats!" I said laughing. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Most likely that was thanks to my outdated playlist on my Ipod. Kevin laughed at every song it played. Of course, I did too. But eventually, all the boxes were empty.
"Its getting late…" Kevin said.
"Yeah, I know."
"Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow? 7am?"
"Yeah. And thanks again. For everything."
"No problems." And he left. I closed the door and went back upstairs. I pulled on some old sweats and crawled into bed. It was going to be a long night.
My alarm went off promptly at 5:50am. I had gotten little to no sleep. I went between worrying about today, being upset about my mom, and thinking about Kevin. First thing I did when I finally dragged myself out of bed was read my horoscope.

"Change does not come easily today Taurus. Keep your head up for you will get through it. The change coming is good. Embrace it."

Fitting, seeing as today is my first day at school with "new" people. I really would have rather just started completely over.

There was no sun in the morning. Not only was it cloudy, but the sun wasn't even up yet. I hate winter. Everything looks dead. It's depressing. After a quick shower, I pulled on an old sweatshirt, and my favorite pair of Boyfriend jeans. I went back to the bathroom and started blow drying my miles of thick, straight, brown hair. I had too, otherwise it would freeze the minute I stepped outside. My hair takes hours to air dry. I starred in the mirror for a second. I hadn't changed at all since the last time I was here. I pretty much still look the same as I did when I left. Tan skin with an olive undertone. Its great in the summertime. I don't burn. I hadn't grown an inch, standing still at 5'5". Most of my clothes from middle school still fit as well. I have a hard time letting things go. Everything to me had sentimental value. Even clothes.

Once my hair was dry, and I felt I looked human, I ran downstairs to get something to eat before Kevin showed up.
"Morning", my dad said as I pulled open the fridge.
"Morning." I replied. I looked for something edible. All I could see were a bunch of leftovers. And beer. I really hoped he was going to go grocery shopping tonight. At least there was some fruit. I chose an apple.
"You need a ride to school?"
"No, actually Kevin's giving me a ride."
"Kevin? Oh. I didn't realize you two still talked."
"Yeah, me neither," I said under my breath. I continued to eat. Kevin would be here soon. As soon as I finished, I saw a green Geo Prism pull into my driveway. The clock read 6:57am. I assumed it was Kevin. I put on my black and white Addias jacket and grabbed my black Beatles bag that I used as my book bag, and my purse.
"Bye Dad!" I yelled as I ran out the door. A sudden feeling of dread came over me. I was so nervous I could barely breathe. I opened the door to Kevin's car and sat down. Hopefully he wouldn't notice how nervous I was.
"Good morning", he said.
"Hey." I tried to smile, but I'm not sure it worked. He said nothing and began to drive. The ride was silent. I stared out the window the entire time. I was too tired to try and make conversation. I am not a morning person. I'm pretty sure he just didn't know what to say.

About thirty minutes later we pulled into the Preble parking lot. I could already feel the stares. The one's you get when you're the new kid. Not to mention everyone was thinking 'wow, she looks familiar.' I hate being noticed.
"You ok?" Kevin asked me when I didn't get out of the car. I hadn't even noticed he cut the engine.
"Yeah. Fine." I told him. I hoped we had been apart long enough that he wouldn't be able to tell I was lying. The truth was, I was terrified. I could feel the judgment from every glance.
"You'll be fine," he said, looking concerned, "C'mon. Lets go get your schedule." We started towards the enormous school that was Preble High school. The entry way itself is overwhelming. I felt like I could get lost, and all it was was an empty space, with only one room on the right hand side. I assumed this was the office. Kevin walked in and I followed.
"May I help you?" the women at the front desk asked, with that fake sincerity you can only get from working in customer service too long. Kevin nudged me forward.
"Um, I'm Terra Carlsen? I'm a new student?…" what else was I supposed to say?
"Oh yes! Your father called us a few days ago." Of course he did. "Here's your schedule, a map of the school, your planner, and a pass to have all your teacher sign. Bring it back to us when you're done."
"Oh, Thanks." I said smiling. Me and Kevin turned and walked out the door. "So what's your first class?"
"Band," I laughed. Thank god. Something easy, where I didn't need to actually think. Or stand out. I could just fade into the music.
"Ha! First class together," Kevin laughed. He seemed excited. It made me excited. It's going to be middle school all over again. Our band director always made fun of me and Kevin. I believe one time he called us an old married couple when we were like, 13. By now I know Kevin had excelled far beyond I ever dared to reach. Last I heard he was still planning to go to school for music. I was planning on going for medicine. Always have been.

As we walked down the long hallway to find the band room, I couldn't help but smile. Kevin was acting like I was never gone. Maybe our friendship wasn't completely lost. After my move to Madison we really grew apart. To the point where I didn't even think we were friends anymore. I never heard from him. Every time I asked him about it he just said he was busy. I felt like he was actively ignoring me. Like he hated me. As if he didn't want me in his life anymore.

Finally we reached the double doors to the band room.  I looked around at all the students getting their instruments out. Some of them I recognized. That's when it dawned on me. I hadn't even thought to bring my saxophone to school. Great.
"Um, Kevin? I totally forgot to bring my sax…"
"Oh. Don't worry. I'm sure Mr. Harper has an extra…or something. His office is in the back." Awesome. First day, and already I'm messing up. I wondered around the risers to get to the back of the room, humiliated. I knocked lightly.
"Hello? Mr. Harper?" an old man turned around in an office chair. His salt and pepper hair was turning white. He had to be in his 60's.
"How can I help you?" I took out my pass and handed it to him.
"I'm Terra Carlsen? The transfer student?"
"Oh yes! We've been expecting you. Sorry about your mother, but! Your band director in Madison told me wonderful things. Tenor Saxophone, right?"
"Yeah…only I forgot to bring it today…"
"No worries. You can borrow one of our rentals. Just remember to bring it tomorrow. Here is all the music you'll need. Christmas concert is on the 21st. I know it's short notice, but I'm sure you'll do fine." He handed me five songs. I would have been stressing about the concert in five days, but the Tenor Sax always has the easiest parts. He was right, I'd be fine. He showed me to my temporary saxophone and then walked up to the front of the class. Of course I'd be late for warm-ups. I guess today is just not my day.

I finished putting my sax together and walked over to join the rest of the low woodwind section. I looked for the other tenors, but there were none.  Just my luck. The only Tenor in the entire band, and there is a concert in five days. Beautiful. The only open seat was in front of Kevin in the trumpet section. A familiar place. Sat in front of him throughout middle school as well. I turned towards him and he grinned at me. I guess he remembered too. Now, sight read everything without any other tenor to help me. Thankfully the tenor really just copies every other section in the band.

After butchering my way through two of the five songs, band was finally over. Sometimes I wonder why I take band. I'm no good at it.
"So where's your next class?" Kevin asked as I was putting my sax away. I dug out my schedule and handed it to him. "World History with Hawley. She's a really cool teacher. And we actually have that class together too. It's upstairs."
"Oh ok. Cool, and thanks."
"No problem." We grabbed out back packs just as the bell rang. We navigated through the hallway until we reached the stairs. "So how does it feel to be back?" he asked me.
"I don't know. It's weird. Its not a new school. I've been here before. Just haven't gone here before. And I know people here. It's just weird."
"It'll get less weird. Don't worry" He laughed. "I'm glad your back though Terra. School wasn't the same without you." I didn't know what to say. I almost didn't believe him. "Anyway, here we are." he said as we arrived at our class. "I'll save you a seat."
"Thanks." I walked toward Mrs. Hawley. She was a good three inches shorter than me, and with really thick curly black hair. She looked to be about 30. "Mrs. Hawley?" I asked.
"Yes?"
"I'm Terra? The new student?" I said handing her my pass.
"Oh yes." She said taking and signing my pass. "Go one and take an open seat wherever. Textbooks are on the shelf in the back"
"Thanks." I turned and looked for Kevin, and set my stuff down next to him as I went to grab a text book.  Pretty sure we used the same one at my old school. Everyone in the class had turned to watch me. Talk about awkward. As Mrs. Hawley stood up to start teaching I went back to my seat. Apparently the class had just gotten to the dark ages. My favorite. I had a strange obsession with the Black Death. Sadly the lecture never got to that point, mainly discussing how the structure of the society in Europe had changed. Boring.

The rest of my classes went just as smoothly. Kevin showed me from class to class, despite the fact we didn't have anymore together. He also showed me where my locker was, not that I'll ever use it. Its on the opposite side of the school from all my classes. As to be expected, after Chemistry, my sixth hour class, he was there waiting for me. At least I wouldn't have to use the map and show everyone I'm new.
"Hey." I said.
"Hey. You have lunch now right?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
"You showed me your schedule in band remember?"
"Oh. Right."
"You ready?"
"Mhm." We walked back to where the main office is. The lunchroom is the only room I knew the location of. In middle school our Show Choir used to perform here. The commons is right off the stage. We walked through the mass of people. Kevin was showing me where his table was. I was glad I had at least one person to help me. It was also nice at least knowing one person, despite my attitude about it. To my surprise the table was empty. Kevin sat his stuff down in the chair closest to the window. I sat down across from his.
"The guys will be here soon."
"The guys?" I asked.
"Mhm. Allen is one of them, so it won't be completely new people." Great. Allen was cool. He was the only one who tried desperately to keep in touch with me. But we had a falling out last year when he wanted to date me. I was still hung up on Kevin…so I turned him down. And I'm pretty sure he knew why.
"Oh ok, cool."
"Aren't you going to eat?"
"Oh yeah. Sure." I was just not myself today. I got up and followed Kevin to the lunch line. I really wasn't that hungry, so I told him to go on when I found the salad bar. As I walked back to my seat, I saw that Kevin was right. The long table was now full. I recognized a few people. Allen was hard to miss with his blonde afro. He was about six feet tall to begin with. His afro added at least another six inches. Okay that may have been an exaggeration, but it did add some height. I also saw Robbie. He was a year behind us. Though you would never know it by looking at him. He was only a little shorter than Allen and had short blonde hair with brown eyes. I met him through Kris a few years ago. I didn't know he and Kevin were friends. Thankfully Kevin caught up with me before I reached the table. As we sat down I could feel people staring at me.
"Guys, this is Terra. She just transferred here." Everyone said hi all together. Allen looked at me and gave me a half smile.
"Hey Terra," he said. I tried to smile back.
"So where are you from?" I turned and saw a sandy haired boy with glasses asking. I think he was in American Dramatic Lit with me 3rd period. I wanted to say his name was Alex.
"Well, originally I'm actually from here. But when I was 14 I moved to Madison, and now I'm back." I was surprised that no one asked anymore questions. Guys were so much different than girls. In Madison the majority of my friends were girls. They wanted to know everything about me and where I was from. Up here most of my friends had been guys. And didn't really care. They just new I was here. And that's all that mattered. They didn't care why I was here. The rest of the lunch period was filled with the guys talked about computers, or the newest video game, or their classes. I mostly just observed. I looked around the lunchroom and noticed some girls staring at me. I knew them. Vanessa was the short blonde with long flowing hair and freckles. Kaitin, the petite brunette who was very pale, was sitting on her right. On the left of Vanessa was Kristy, the tall tomboy with thick, long, curly, dirty blonde hair. I think they were trying to figure out where they new me from. Awkward.
"So Terra, What's your next class?" I broke from my daze to see who was asking. It was Allen.
"Um. World Lit…with Leigh."
"Awesome," He smiled, "Me too. I'll walk with you." I looked at Kevin, slightly hoping he had that class too. But his expression told me otherwise. He actually looks a little disappointed. The guy conversation continued until lunch was close to ending. Half the guys already left. Allen and Alex were just leaving to put their trays away. Kevin and I were just getting up when they approached me. Vanessa was in front.
"Terra?" She asked hesitantly.
"Hey Vanessa," I smiled. He face lit up and she practically leaped into my arms.
"Oh my god! I can't believe its you! How have you been! I mean, your dad told my dad about why you're here and all. I just haven't seen you in years and….now I'm rambling." I couldn't help but laugh. She's even more peppy than I remember. I bet she's a cheerleader now. She'd be great at it.
"I'm okay, don't worry," I assured her. "it's really good to see you."
"You too!" the other two girls looked really uneasy. Almost like they were pissed at me. Or wanted me to vanish. It was then I realized how close Kevin was to me.
"Anyway, I should get going. I think Allen is waiting for me."
"Okay," Vanessa said, "Oh wait! Before you go, would you want to get together this weekend and catch up?"
"Sorry, this weekend I can't. I have to go to Michigan to see the rest of my family. Next weekend I'm free though."
"Sure! Plan it later" she said as she walked away. Kristy and Kate left too, the way the popular girls in really bad high school drama movies do. Hair flip and all. I turned back toward Kevin, who looked like he had a serious vendetta against them.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked him.
"Yeah. Fine." he said like he was coming out of a trance.
"Okay…well, I need to go to class…are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. Go on, I'll meet you after class."
"Okay…" I ran to catch up with Allen. And we headed to class. You could cut the awkwardness with a knife.
"So…how have you been?" he asked.
"Um. Not bad I guess. Better than I was."
"That's good. How's your first day going?"
"It's weird…to say the least."
"How so?"
"I don't know. Like, I haven't seen or spoken to you guys in years. But it's like nothing has changed. Like with Kevin, and I haven't spoken since like, freshman year. But now he's acting like nothing happened."
"Well, you're not alone there."
"What do you mean?"
"With Kevin. No one had heard from him for a few years. He came back beginning of this year."
"Wait, he moved?"
"Well, more like took a really long vacation. With his mom and dad. Their house was never up for sale. They just were never around."
"They just left?"
"Yup. Didn't say anything to anyone. Shortly after you moved we started seeing less and less of him. Middle of freshman year Kevin just wasn't around. Suddenly beginning of senior year he's back. Acted like he was never gone."
"That's so weird…" By the end of our conversation we have reached the classroom. A middle aged women was sitting behind a desk in the front corner. Apparently class doesn't start for a few more minutes. I slowly approached her.
"Hi, I'm Terra Carlsen," I said handing her my pass, "I'm the new transfer student."
"Ah, yes. Go on and take an open seat. You can find the textbook you'll need in the cabinet in the back of the classroom."
"Thanks." I turned and took an open seat in the front row. I looked around. This is the first class where there were no familiar faces. Aside from Allen I mean. Finally the bell rang and Ms. Leigh stood up and walked to the front of class.
"Alright class. Today is our last day discussing 'The Stranger'." Thank god. I've already read this. "Now, who wants to get the ball rolling? What did you all think of this book?" I immediately raised my hand. "Yes, Terra."
"I think its fascinating how Camus uses his sentence structure to mirror the story. Like, the first line of the book 'mama died today' is so simple. But as you get into the complexities of the storyline, and get to know the character more, the more complex his sentences become."
"Good observation Terra. I take it you've read this before?"
"At my old school, yeah. it's one of my favorites." The rest of the class dragged on. It was very much like my old class. I had already partaken in all the discussions. At least this would be an easy A class. I ignored everything everyone else said. I kept thinking about what Allen had told me. I wonder where Kevin went…
As to be expected, Kevin was waiting for me once class was done.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey…" I replied.
"So what your last class?" I took out my schedule to see.
"Advanced Biology!" Finally a class I was good at.
"Wow, excited?" Kevin laughed.
"Yeah…" I smiled
"Who do you have?"
"Mr. Ferrell?"
"Last class together," Kevin smiled, "C'mon. It's at the other end of the school." We walked down the seemingly endless hallways. I wanted to ask him about everything Allen had said. I didn't know how.
"So…what's up with you and Kate?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, you guys used to be such good friends. Today at lunch it looked like you were really upset with her."
"Oh," he replied. He sounded really down, "It's nothing."
"Ok Kevin, I know you're lying. We haven't been apart that long…"
"I'll explain it later, Terra. A lot has happened since you left."
"Oh…" I didn't know what else to say. "Anyway…what are we working on in Bio?"
"Finishing up with Animal Behavior. Next semester we start micro and embryology. And…here we are. I'll save you a seat."
"Ok." I said as he walked away. Mr. Ferrell was sitting behind his computer. Just as every other teacher was.
"Mr. Ferrell?"
"Miss Carlsen?"
"Yeah. I have my pass."
"Yep, no problem." as he signed it.
"Thanks…" Word of the new student really moves fast. I turned around to join Kevin wherever he had chose to sit. I hated the animal behavior unit in biology the first time. A second time was going to be torture. The lecture droned on and on as Mr. Ferrell talked about conditioning and FAP's. All equally boring.  It seemed like 12 hours had gone by when the last bell finally rang.
"I'm assuming you need a ride home, right?" Kevin said as we packed up.
"You would be correct," I laughed.
"Ok," he smiled, "I just have to stop at my locker and then we can go."
"Sounds good." I grabbed my bag and followed him out the door. When he opened his locker I noticed that hanging up he had a picture of us. A really old picture of us. I still had braces. It was from the 8th grade musical, at the cast party. I don't even remember that picture being taken. It was before we even knew about the divorce. Back when we were best friends. When we used to have 5 hour phone conversations, or talk all night on AOL Instant Messenger. Things were so uncomplicated back then.
"Wow, this picture is like, ancient," I laughed.
"Yeah I know," he said, "But it's the only one I had". He stood up, threw his backpack over his shoulder and he headed to his car. "So am I taking you home?"
"Yeah, I think my dad is taking my sister and I out to dinner. Kinda like a welcome home gesture I think."
"How are things with you and your dad?" He was the only one who knew what happened with me and my dad. I was too afraid to tell anyone else. Not to mention I didn't even want to tell him. He had a way of dragging things out of me.
"I don't know. Awkward so far I guess. But it always has been so some degree. I just hope it get better."
"Well, if you ever need to get out, just call me. My number hasn't changed."
"Thanks, Kevin." We pulled into my driveway a few minutes later. I grabbed my bag and went to open the door. "Thanks for the ride." I told him.
"No problem. Same time tomorrow?" he laughed.
"Sure." I smiled. "See you then". I headed to the front door and turned around to watch him leave. I caught myself smiling at the thought of seeing him everyday. Weird. I opened the door and walked in. Riley came scampering down the hardwood floor to greet me. Nearly knocked me over, but he looked so happy to see me, I couldn't be mad at him. "Hi Riley, good to see you too!" I laughed as I petted him.
"That you Terra?" My dad called from the kitchen.
"Yeah," I responded. I put my bag down on the landing of the stairs, and walked into the kitchen, the dog trailing me.
"Dinner will be at about 5:30pm. That work for you?"
"Sure. What are we having?"
"I thought we could go out. How does Champion sound?" The real name is Palm Gardens. But since it's located in the small town of Champion, that's what my parents always called it. Besides, Champion is actually smaller than New Franken, so I'm pretty sure that Palm Gardens is the only think out there.
"Sure, Dad," I said, "I'm going to go upstairs and start on some homework."
"Okay, just be ready to go in about two hours."
"Sure," I said as I walked away from him. I grabbed my bag and went to my room. I sprawled out on my water bed and started reading 'Metamorphosis' for World Lit. I was glad that this class wasn't going to be a complete repeat of my Lit class in Madison. I hadn't read this one before. I must have lost track of time, because the next thing I knew, my dad was calling me and Taylor down to go eat. I hadn't even heard her come home.
"Terra! C'mon! Let's go!" my dad called. I guess I got my patience from my mom.
"Coming!" I grabbed my bag and ran downstairs. The drive was snug. My dad's truck only had one bench seat, that could theoretically fit three people including the driver. At least it used to be able to fit three, when me and my sister were still kids.  Everything about this place was exactly the same. I felt as if time stood still for everyone else except me. I grew older and bigger while nothing around me changed. It was almost frustrating. I'm not a huge fan of change, but something's got to give. Nothing can stay the exactly same.

We arrived at the restaurant and took our places at the bar, ordered, and then waited to be seated. No one had anything interesting to say. My sister was glued to her phone. And things have been strange with my dad and I for a while. This was going to be a long night.
"So. Terra. How was your first day?"
"Fine I guess. Ran into Vanessa. And Allen. They were the only ones who really knew who I was."
"Well that's nice that you still have your old friends."
"Yeah." Silence fell for a few minutes as I pretended to check my phone, and my dad pretended to be interested in whatever was playing on TV.
"So you meet anyone new?" my dad finally asked.
"Um, not really. Just a couple of Kevin's friends. I sat by them at lunch." My dad gave what I can only describe as a acknowledging grunt, and went back to watching the TV and drinking his Miller.
"So, this weekend I figure we'd leave Saturday morning around 9am to head up to Grandma and Grandpa's."
"Oh ok. Staying the night?"
"Not sure yet."
"Oh okay."
"They're awfully glad to hear you're coming up."
"Really? Why…"
"Well, Terra, they haven't seen you since you were little."
"Right…" Honestly, I was a little happy to be going up north. It was really nice to be away from everything. And my grandparents lived miles away from the city. Stargazing was one of my favorite things to do up there. You don't see the stars like that anywhere else.

What seemed like hours later, the waitress showed us to our table. My sister was still glued to her phone. Listening to her and my dad talk was really weird. She never took her eyes off her phone, and he never took his eyes of the TV. I was beginning to feel like I didn't belong here. They continued rambling about school, work, people in the neighborhood, and my dad's family, and I pretended to check my phone. But this time, I actually had a message.
'Hey hows dinner?' It was Kevin. I didn't think he would still have my cell number.
'I feel I'm having dinner with strangers lol' I texted. I put my phone back in my pocket. I counted the minutes until our waitress finally retuned with our food. That wait also felt like hours. Time move so slowly when I'm trying to fit in with my family. I hope things stop feeling so awkward soon. A couple bites into my perch, my phone was buzzing.
'Haha, sorry…' he responded.
"Who are you texting?" my dad asked. I looked up from my phone. Almost shocked that he was talking to me.
"Um, just Kevin." I told him.
"Glad to see you guys are…getting a long again." He was trying to mean it. I'll give him that. But I knew he never really liked Kevin. For whatever reason he thought that he was a bad influence on me. He wanted me to stop contact with him all together. I always kind of resented him for that. Thankfully my mom was always on my side. Honestly I think my dad was just worried that I was growing up. Which I was. He had a really hard time letting go. I guess I get that from him.
"Yeah…" I said, because I didn't know what else to say.
"How's your perch?"
"Fine." And silence fell again. I went back to responding to Kevin, seeing as that was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. The silence between my family was deafening.
'Yeah…so what are you up to? Or is it safe to assume nothing since you're texting me lol' I texted him.
'Pretty much nothing yeah ' he responded.
'Haha '
'So is the stranger dinner almost over?'
'Are you kidding? We have after dinner drinks to suffer through yet…'
'Oh yes. Of course. How could I have forgot ' We texted all the way home. It was comfortable. I was glad that things weren't awkward with us, despite everything that happened in the past few years. I texted him until I fell asleep. I slept all through that night.